Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
