talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
