she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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