Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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