I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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