What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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