I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
