I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
