so explain again why im purple
no
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
