If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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