dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
