shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
