i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
