I'm laying in your front yard are you home
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
