So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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