there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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