You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM VODKA MAN
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
