and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, he came in my armpit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
