So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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