We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
