SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
