She's JV to your varsity
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
