I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
