No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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