Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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