am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
