he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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