It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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