MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
