if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
