So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize