Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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