Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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