I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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