I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
