At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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