One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
