eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
