Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
