i just google imaged poop.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
True strength comes from lack of pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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