you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
