Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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