Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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