So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My ass is underappreciated
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
