very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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