I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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