he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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