with your own penis?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
