I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
