I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
