I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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