The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
