I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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