you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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