Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
