Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
