Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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