Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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