I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
