No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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