So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
