Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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