Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
