Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
