I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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