those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize