Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
