i will never coherently bang her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
