yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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