If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
