Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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