I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
