Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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