She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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