He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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