Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
