I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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