Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
